Sunday, September 21, 2008

How Many Babies Can One Plane Handle?

Well the answer to that question is more than you would care hear screaming at one time.

So we just got back on our vacation. We went to Hawaii because we belong to the elite rich that write checks to the government every year after we get our return back because we simply don't pay enough taxes and wish they'd raise our taxes and take more of our money so we wouldn't feel so guilty about being so rich. *insert sarcasm on more than one front*

Anyways since we don't have children of our own we are learning many lessons should we decide to have kids. The lesson we learned this trip was don't take your baby on a 5 or 8 hour plane trip. Because your screaming baby that apparently wasn't given enough Benedryl will irritate the other passengers around you no matter how cute he or she is. And you know what else will irritate them? You prancing up and down the isles with you baby as if to show the whole plane "look how darn cute my kid is, and oh, look how skinny I am after having a baby!!!" WE DON'T CARE. All we care about is that you have now blocked our line of vision for the terrible, yet time-consuming movie that is showing for our entertainment. MOVE!!!!!

I understand that sometimes babies need to fly places and I can tolerate them on short flights. And I sympathize with the parents that clearly dread the fact that they needed to get somewhere faster than a car will allow them to go. But these are flights that last no more than 2 hours. I've decided that the hours you brave taking your kid on a flight should correlate with his/her age. If it's less than 5 years old, don't take it to Hawaii by way of Los Angeles.

I seriously question the benefit of taking a child on a trip that they will not have any warm fuzzy memories of. Take it camping, take it to grandma and grandpa's house, unless they live in Hawaii. Then let Grandma and Grandpa come and visit for the first few years of it's life. I'm not kidding. Unless you are willing to give them an OD of Benedryl or something else you've discovered that knocks them out for at least 5 hours.

Oh but you see, our flight over was 8 hours because we went through Dallas. That is the plane that had at least 7-8 babies all under the age of 2 on it. REALLY? Your kid can't wait a couple of years to visit Hawaii? I don't care if you're doing it because you can. Congratulations!! That's not the point. The reason those of us without kids take vacations after school is in, is to avoid kids. Not because we don't like them. But because we can't stand the ones that are allowed to be bratty. We forgot about the babies that probably find a plane ride torturous to begin with and their parents who insist on taking them to Hawaii.

OH well...we've decided to have quintuplets and take them all to Australia by ourselves when they are oh 6 months to a year old. I just need to make sure all those parents on our flights there and back are also on that plane so they can get a taste.

Before you jump down my throat about how insensitive and horrible I am, please refer to the paragraph in green above.

1 comment:

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