Sunday, December 7, 2008
Awkward Things My Mother Never Taught Me
awkward.blogspot was already taken...bummer...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Or is it better to politely accept it and then throw it away once they leave. What if they search your trashcan when you are away?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Anyway, I'm starting the ball rolling on next year's word of the year. With your help we can make this happen. I came up with it on a fluke in my boss's boss's office while explaining some numbers. The word is:
Dramastically - When Dramtically and Drastically just don't quite get the point across by themselves.
The pain in my back is reduced dramastically when I do my stretching exercises.
The fiscal impact is changed dramstically when the new found circumstances are taken into account.
I like this word. I think it has a nice ring to it. And has definitely has a lower irritation factor than the words bailout and vetted. So join with me, let's put out a dramastic effort to make this the 2009 word of the year. People will think you're clever and funny as I got quite a laugh when I used it.
Monday, November 24, 2008
My theory, and I know I'm not alone, is that husband and wife develop what they think to be a genius plot.
Step 1: Wife strips nekked
Step 2: Husband takes pictures with his phone in various "sexy" poses
Step 3: Husband goes to McDonald's for a Big Mac
Step 4: Take phone out of pocket
Step 5: Put phone on table while eating because you can't feel it vibrating in your pocket
Step 6: Finish stuffing face
Step 7: Get up to leave
Step 8: Leave phone clearly on the table
Step 9: Ignore any attempt to get your attention as you run as fast as you can to your car
Step 10: Speed off as fast as you can, not looking back
Step 11: Arrive home and call McDonald's
Step 12: Tell them you will come get the phone but whatever they do, don't look at the nekked pictures of your wife
Step 13: Retrieve the phone and return home
Step 14: Upload pictures to Internet
Step 15: Call sleazy lawyer and accuse McDonald's of causing you deep emotional distress and pain and suffering
Step 16: Call every paper in the country to tell them sob story
Step 17: Wait for Hugh Hefner to call
Step 18: Pimp wife out to pose for Playboy, her life long dream.
Step 19: Get divorced, because wife discovers she can do way hotter and richer than husband
Step 20: Go back to being poor schlub with nothing but your Big Mac to ease your pain and suffering.
That's how I envision it went/will go down. I'm sure I could be wrong. But I'd be shocked if I'm too far off their intentions.
Oh in case you didn't bother to read the article, this went down in Arkansas....Now does my version seem more likely??
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
This last time I saw some Irish Cheddar cheese and thought, hey, it's cheddar so it's familiar, it's Irish, so it's different and we've never tried Irish cheese to our knowledge. I couldn't go wrong with this right? Well. It's ok, but Jay didn't much care for it. It's more sharp than he likes, and for me it's ok but I'm not in love. And I LOVE cheese. Either way I'm determined not to let it go to waste, so I will eat it even if it kills me.
This cheese has been sitting in our refrigerator for almost 2 weeks maybe more I think. So tonight as I was making my lunch for tomorrow, I thought I better take some for lunch in an effort to get rid of it. So I pulled it out of the baggy it's in, and a smell much more pungent than I remember wafted up my nose. Surely my nose was just stuffed up the first time around, but it got worse as I cut it. I fully expect it to take on the smell of feet by the time lunch arrives tomorrow, because it was almost there tonight. I'm still determined not to let it go to waste. It's not that old. I'll just make sure to wash it down with grapes. Hopefully they will be fermented grapes so I can make it through the afternoon at work.
What's your favorite cheese? Mine's Pecorino.
Friday, November 21, 2008
-People wearing a blue tooth in their ear while not on the phone
-My Moments of Insanity
-Hurting people's feelings
-Speeding Tickets; especially for less than 11 miles over the limit
-Refusal to learn from mistakes
-Feeling trapped in a job
-That I'm not more of a risk taker
-Not remembering details that other people do
Things I Love (In no particular order except the first 2)
-A good belly laugh
-A good sense of humor
-Having a genius moment of wit drawing roaring laughter from others
-Playing with dogs
-Sales Tax (as opposed to Income ala the Fair Tax)
-Skiing (Snow and Water)
-How teenagers think they're soooo deep (I know I did)
-The Office (the TV show and the movie)
-Paying off debts
-Days off work
-Memory loss related to a painfully itchy allergic reaction to penicillin 11 years ago
-People who can be objective and open-minded
-Getting comments on my posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I'm upset at the finality of my plant. I had to throw out what was left because after there was nothing left but dirt and roots, I came in a couple of different mornings and there was dirt spread out on my desk around the plant. So I figure some human hates me enough to dig at my plant, which is very vengeful, or some rat hates me enough to dig at my plant. Perhaps in search of water or food or whatever. Either way it's hateful.
So I had one plant left on my desk. A poinsettia. Yesterday I came in and rather than full stems being torn off, there were several leaves that looked like they had bites taken out of them. I don't know any humans snacking on poinsettias, but I do work for the government, so you just never know. Aren't poinsettias poisonous? Well if a rat ate it I might have successfully got one!!! Which you'd think they'd be dropping like flies since there are poinsettias all over the place since someone gave them out last year for Christmas.
This morning I came in and there was a chewed up piece of gum discarded on my floor. It looked like extra spearmint. It was that bright greenish yellowish color. It was no where near my trash can. So either someone decided it would be a great idea to spit out their gum on my floor or the rat got into a piece of gum somewhere and is now chewing it, and had no good way of getting to the trashcan level to properly dispose of it.
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU RAT???? What can I do to make amends? Or kill you. Whichever you prefer. Just leave me alone!!! Stay away from my desk!! NO RATS ALLOWED!!! Take your gum at get out of the building. I'll buy you some gum if you'll just leave. But beware, I will lace it with rat poison for your chewing pleasure.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The first dream job is to rescue dogs from kill shelters that are about to get executed by virtue of not getting adopted by anyone. But I envision having my facility on several acres, living there with large indoor/outdoor kennels for the dogs and large open play areas for them during the day. Some of them may live there their whole lives, but hopefully most would find good homes to get adopted out to, but have a good loving resort-like interim home until they find their forever home.
This dream job makes me sound like a good, sweet, loving person doesn't it?
My other dream job is to be the consultant that goes into government agencies and cuts out the fat with an axe or butcher knife or whatever. I know it sounds like I want to lay off a bunch of people right? At times that may happen, however I've found working for the government that many jobs stay open for months and months and months without ever putting a strain on the people handling those responsibilities in the interim. In fact many of those people are bored, ask for more to do, get rejected so that an added position can be "justified." That's wasteful spending of your tax dollars, and it exists at the city, county, state, and federal level. Especially in agencies that have gotten so big and bureaucratic. So in essence, I want to be the person that eliminates wasteful spending in these government agencies and advises or teaches them how to make more efficient use with a reasonable amount of resources though methods such as cross training and delegation to name a couple.
Some of you will think this makes me sound like a horrible evil person. I respectfully disagree. I believe it's a job that helps governments be better stewards of your tax dollars.
So if you're with a consulting firm looking for a quality person like me, I can be reached at Lola's email address email@example.com.
What's your dream job? And are you currently getting paid for it or not?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
This takes me back to my freshman year in high school I believe. That was probably the best year of high school for me even though I was a complete dork. You see that was my first year without the terribly big plastic rimmed glasses. You sight challenged people know what I'm talking about. On the first day of school I got to hold a senior guy's hand in a get to know everyone game. That set the tone for the whole year. I was now a cool dork. Cool in my imagination of course.
Anyways I still have my cassette tape single of this song. I have purchased very few singles in my life but this was one of the few special songs I got. In fact I popped it in not too long ago and danced around the house to it. I'm pretty sure Lola thought I was having a seizure. Take the time to remember what you were doing in 1992 as you enjoy this fabulous hit. I'm not really sure it was a hit....I may have been the lone fan of this song.
Monday, November 10, 2008
This is because they can both be moody and take it out on you if they choose. Both can be sexist towards men or women. Both can be mean and bitchy. Both can be passive to a fault meaning they refuse to deal with personnel issues if it means confronting an employee about bad behavior. Both can take credit for your work or throw you under the bus if it benefits them. Both can hold you back in your career. Both can chip away at employee morale. I'm sure there are many other things they both can do, but I have listed characteristics of my bosses. They didn't all exhibit all of these characteristics, nor were they each without their good qualities.
I guess that means I have yet to have that exceptional boss that will bend over backwards to keep me from moving on. Maybe that means I'm a terrible employee. If I am, I have yet to be told that. I did have one boss that did all she could at raise time to keep us happy, but she wasn't in a very powerful position to get us more or help me advance in the company. In fact she was removed as my boss during a "reorganization" and I got sent to the boss from hell. On a good day she could be really nice and fun and offer good advice and encouragement, but you never assumed that today would be one of those rare days so as to remember to live in fear at work. But I can even find things about her that I preferred to some of the male I've had as bosses. But then they have had qualities I've preferred to many of hers
So what do you all think? Do Men or Women make better bosses? Or are you in the same boat as me and haven't figured it out yet?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Also no one has been sending me pictures of their pets to post so I haven't had much to say. But if you want to send me pics of your beloved pets send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.
So I went camping for the first time ever last weekend and I had a BLAST!!! I was wore out by the time we got home though. I hope you enjoy my pictures...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
In the meantime, I leave you with this...
My favorite part is where they sing
"oh oh oh Amber's my cover girl oh oh oh...oh oh oh"
My second favorite part is where Donny says "Bass"
That's so cool...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I apologize, I got sidetracked. This is about the best time of the year. Thanksgiving is coming and I don't know about you all but it's the one Holiday that the greeting card, candy, and miscellaneous retail companies haven't hijacked for their pleasure. It's the one Holiday where you get to look forward to a day or two off of work, getting together with family and/or friends, relaxing, eating and having a good time without the pressure of gifts, cards, or spending money you don't want to spend. If you're lucky, you don't have to worry about making it to all extended family Thanksgiving dinners. If you're not that lucky, I'd find a way to work out just one. It's so much easier to put that off until Christmas when there's often a little more time, and usually a little more flexibility on when to get together.
Anyways I love Thanksgiving. I love looking forward to it. And I hate to see it go when it's over. Because that means a mad dash to start and or finish Christmas shopping. I'd enjoy Christmas a lot better if it were more like Thanksgiving. That's not to say I don't enjoy giving or getting, but it gets more complicated when you start a family of your own and still have expectations within your former family unit and take on a new family unit. Luckily I like to think that siblings are understanding of this dilemma and are OK with just getting together and enjoying each others company. But every family's different. Hence why I like Thanksgiving better. Less pressure.
So HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!! Enjoy it as long as possible because before you know it it will all be over.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
So I was inspired to going on the social security administration's website to look at the most popular names for 2007. This is because 2008 isn't finished yet. The longest list you can get is for the 1000 most popular names. So I'm going to run through some of the names that popped out and me as bad for naming your kid and why.
The next problem I have for boys names after seasons of the year is the "creative spelling" of a popular name in an effort to make your son "unique." Take for example the name Jackson. It's a good strong name for a boy to grow into a man. But how's he supposed to do that if you spell it Jaxon or Jaxson? That's probably not the worst example but you get where I'm going. Jackson is the 33rd most popular boys' name. If the other two in the list had just spelled it right, it would only move it up a few spots. Or let me guess you plan on calling him Jax right? Because what's more soap opera than Jax? I'm sure we'll get to some. Perhaps a better example with the creative spelling is with the name Cameron. I really like this name for a boy or a girl. But leave the K's and the Y's and the I's and what ever other unique way to spell it to the girls. Because in the future if someone sees the name Kamryn, Kamren, Kameryn, or Cameryn on a resume, they are going to be expecting a girl to show up to the interview and when they seek a guy, it's going to screw with their head, and it will be difficult for them to see what value they bring to the table because they will be stuck wondering whether or not this is a "girly-man" who will cry if their feelings get hurt. So there's my peace on the creative spellings. When it comes to your sons, Just Say No!!!
Name them after your sports heroes.
Colt and Jamarcus come to mind since they both popped up on the 2007 list. Colt being the quarter back for Texas Longhorns and Jamarcus the recently went pro quarter back for the LSU Tigers who went 1st in the draft when he went pro. This is sensitive ground because everyone is going to think you named your kid after them even if you deny it until your blue in the face, especially if you happen to be a fan of the team. What happens if they fail you in some big way such as being a huge failure, or breaking the law in a big way and becoming a huge disappointment to you. Well now your son is stuck with this name you gave them that you associate with a fallen hero. How's he supposed to live with that pressure?
Cale or Kale or Sage - Why would you name your son after a vegetable or spice?
Kane or Cane - Do you want him to be called Candy Cane for the rest of his life?
Kolby or Colby - It's cheese. Proceed at your own risk.
Elvis - Really? Shouldn't that name be retired like sports teams retire numbers?
King - What are you Michael Jackson? Why didn't you just name him blanket?
Finnegan or Finley - Not unless you plan on bringing them up with a British accent.
Krish - What kind of a name is this?
Lyric - How is your son not going to turn out girly with a name like Lyric?
Addison - Has this not been established as a girl's name?
Atticus - I know I'm probably in the minority here but this isn't Ancient Rome!!
Seamus - It was on the list I swear. Do I really have to say anything about it?
Maxim - What? your plan is to have a lot of hot naked girls on your son? Why not just name him Playboy?
Stone or Slade - Just because you give your son a soap opera name, doesn't guarantee him a soap opera job in the future. They have to have good genes too.
I'm sure there were more on the list that I could have jumped on like the many many many different ways to spell Jayden. And I'm sure there are some better names that aren't on the 1000 most popular names list. Thankfully so. And while I love creativity, I think there is less creative license when it comes to naming your son then when it comes to naming your daughter. Although I'm sure I will go over that list one of these days and scrutinize it as well. I just think you ought to think about the potential abuse your kid could face as a result of the name you intend to give them. Think this stuff through before putting it in writing. Feel free to ask perfect strangers about it to get objective feed back. But let me advise you to take a random sampling and don't just stop after getting one or two answers you like. And make sure to ask a man how he'd feel about having that name.
Give your son a chance to grow into a man. Don't stunt him by giving him a weak or girly name.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Take the 3 minutes or so to listen to/watch this. You won't regret it. You might find it difficult to resist getting off your butt and dancing. This will take you back to 1994 according to wikipedia. High school for me. It's well worth your time if you like to take a trip down memory lane. Even though this particular song doesn't have any memories associated with it for me. Just dancing around in my room like fool when it came on the radio.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Hello everyone and welcome back to my corner. Today I'm going to rant about the stupid woman at the dog park. She was a big kill-joy. She took all the fun out of my day. Not really. I had a blast there in spite of her. And she showed up at the end after I was all wore out, but that doesn't excuse her kill-joy behavior.
I was playing with her dog (not pictured here), and we were wrastling just playing around like we dogs do. Well we were both up on our hind legs hugging each other, because this is what we boxers do with dogs that oblige our method of play. Anyways Kill-Joy makes an exasperated statement "who's boxer is this?" My mommy spoke up with pride and Kill-Joy rudely says to her "get your dog off my dog." To which mommy defended both of us by saying "they are just playing." To which Kill-Joy says "I know but that's how my dog can get aggressive."
Well why did you bring your dog to the dog park lady!?!?!? And let me just point out, Kill-Joy, that I am a wee bit bigger than your dog and I can handle myself. Maybe you ought to just let your dog have a little fun once in awhile and it wouldn't get "aggressive" as you say. Or maybe it just gets "aggressive" because you over react and intervene any time he/she plays rough with another dog. We're dogs, that's what we do!!!! We play rough with each other, but we know our limits. Way to go Kill-Joy. I hope you're happy with yourself. I wonder how many other dogs you ran off because your dog just wanted to play with them. Is that how you are or were with your kids? Oh no!!! Can't let them play. They might have fun....We'd hate for fun to suddenly start happening....
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I'm of the opinion that technology has led to decrease in productivity by many people who use it improperly rather than to increase their efficiency. There's no doubt in my mind that computers have increased productivity and efficiency and made our jobs better. However with the era of the blackberry (aka crackberry), iPhone, and other cellphone devices that allow you to check email, the Internet, and whatever else you want while on the go, I believe most people using these are actually experiencing a decrease in efficiency.
We've all been in meetings where one or two people don't bother to pay attention to what's being said and are constantly emailing, texting, or they must answer their phone either in the meeting or excuse themselves. And while I agree that most meetings are pointless if they last longer than 20 or 30 minutes, that doesn't give you a pass to be rude to the other attendees and prolong the meeting further while they wait for you to return.
And perhaps you've been to the office of someone that must answer the phone every time it rings or work will cease if they don't. Well what about work ceasing if you do?
So my simple theory is that technology has given those that abuse it the false sense of arrogance that business can't go on without them at that moment. Everyone NEEDS them. Granted everyone needs them to do their jobs, but when they are so scattered that they can't complete anything in a timely matter because they aren't paying attention to meetings, constantly answering the phone, allowing themselves to get distracted from what they are doing at the moment, then what good are they?
For these people technology has led to their inefficiency. Yet because they have been given these devices, they are suddenly irreplaceable. What happened to the old saying that "No One is Irreplaceable?" Let the phone go to voicemail once in awhile. You aren't expected to be at your desk at all times. You aren't too important for the meeting you are at, otherwise you shouldn't have bothered to come and sent someone in your place, so pay attention.
Friday, October 17, 2008
LUCKNOW, India - A woman chopped off the head of a man who allegedly tried to attack her and then paraded it through a market in northern India, police said Friday.
Police arrested the woman late Thursday after receiving calls from frightened witnesses who reported a blood-soaked woman holding a severed head while walking through the village, said police officer Ram Bharose.
The woman, 35, told police she had gone to a nearby forest to cut grass for fodder for her cattle when a man attacked her from behind.
"In a bid to save her dignity she beheaded him with a sickle," Bharose said, adding that the woman had bite marks on her neck and cheek.
The woman also told police that the man had been harassing and stalking her for three months and she had no regrets about killing him, Bharose said, adding that she would probably be charged with culpable homicide.
The incident took place in Makkapurva village, some 125 miles southeast of Lucknow, the capital of Uttar Pradesh state.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
These are steam vents
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Welcome to an early edition of my corner.
You may or may not have heard of this news today on CNN both TV and website. The link below is to the web article and pictures.
Basically there is a soldier that saved a puppy in Iraq (see the story for details) and she basically adopted it while there. Apparently her tour is up soon and she wants to bring the pup back with her but the military is making it difficult. I don't know the details and I'm not convinced there isn't some kind of slant to either article making the military sound evil. Operation Bagdad Pups is the organization shown in the below petition link has brought 50 cats and dogs to the U.S. from Iraq in the last 8 months, so we know exceptions have been made.
If you'd like to sign the petition or write to this soldiers senators and congressman, to urge them to help her, the information you need is in the following link.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I know that die hard and casual Cowboys fans like to blame Jessica when Tony screws up a game. And while he wasn't the only one who screwed up yesterday, his mistakes single handedly cost them the game. This isn't Jessica's fault. As far as I can tell she quit showing up to the game or at least jumping around in front of the cameras for all to see. She is who she is and in order to stay relevant, she needs to have all the photo ops she can. She is a professional celebrity unless she can prove a success in country music. Personally whoever taught her to do that stupid thing with her voice (you know what I'm talking about if you've ever listened to her) that took away from her actual singing ability is to blame for her struggling music career rather than a successful one.
But I digress..
Tony's problem, as I see it (and I'm sure I'm not the first to think it), is that he has come to enjoy "being a celebrity" that he's forgotten how to "be a football player." He needs to put anything in his life that's a distraction to "being a football player" so he can focus on doing his job. That is if he likes doing his job. Because remember Tony, it was doing your job that made you a celebrity. And you've changed your focus from doing you job to being a celebrity. Let me make something real clear to you. YOU CAN MAKE MORE MONEY BEING A FOOTBALL PLAYER THAN A CELEBRITY!!!! So let it go. There are plenty of other football players that keep a low profile and show up every week and do their job. That's all we're asking of you. So if that means you don't date for the next 10 years fine. Or if you can handle dating, fine. Just don't date anyone that calls the paparazzi every time you go out. In fact don't go out. You make enough money to stay in. Just a thought....And don't date someone that blabbering about how much you all are in love when there are rumors flying about you're talking to her nemesis/your ex fling or whatever that was...We don't want to hear about you in the tabloids, gossip, or anything else not related to football.
So shape up or ship out Romo...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
So Michael is having a discussion with the new HR rep Holly about a disagreement they are having over whether or not an employee's actions warrant firing. Michael says to her, "I don't want my employees to worry that their performance affects their jobs." I might not have an exact quote there but the sentiment is there. As soon as he said that I thought, he should get a job with the government, then he wouldn't have to worry about their jobs being affected by their performance. Because they don't care.
Anyways very funny and if you still haven't started watching the show you should. It's in reruns on TBS (I think) on Tuesday nights. It's well worth watching. Give up one of your crappy shows if need be.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Then I just thought about candy. Because I like it.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The only thing I hate about it, is that they send someone home after the first week of working with a trainer. It takes longer than a week to form a habit and change your behaviors. Add onto that, many of them have very low self-esteems and just get angry and defensive when they get voted off and many times they have gained the weight back.
I think they need hold off on the sending people home until they have had a month with the trainer to learn and then form good habits to live a healthy live and teach their families what they have learned. I think they would have a higher success rate and I wouldn't feel so sad yet worried for the first 4-5 people that get sent home.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
First I'd like to introduce you to Balboa. He's my other boyfriend. You know the one that hangs around. Showing up is half the battle for being my boyfriend. The other half is being cute and playing with me in equal proportion. Isn't he cute. He's older. By about a month. But I'm taller and longer. But he's beefier. He's so sweet to me.
I hope you enjoyed meeting Balboa and Jack as much as I have enjoyed becoming friends with them.
Send me pics of your pets domestic or wild to email@example.com.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Let's take our return trip home as an example. It was already delayed by 2 hours which rescheduled everyone's connecting flights if they were indeed connecting. We were in that group. So we were already going to get home several hours later than planned. Everyone on the freaking plane except us (maybe not everyone but most) had one of those rolling suitcases that are approximately 2x3x1.5 give or take on the dimensions. But you get an idea of what I'm talking about. This was not a jumbo jet and the flight was full. So there is limited overhead space.
When the plane arrived and they started boarding, everyone, well most everyone, was anxious to get the show on the road and get out of there. Maybe just us, as I rethink the surrounding peripherals right before boarding. You know people talking loudly to others around them trying to show off just how witty and awesome they are while the rest of us are trying to hear the announcements from the gate agents. That kind of crap. Then when we are lining up in our groups to board, someone decides to tell someone to board in his group, presumably because he was hoping to pick up this chick who I'm sure he'd formed a lasting bond with in the airport after a few hours of delayed waiting around. Because boarding with her will give him that extra few minutes to "seal the deal" with her. Obviously.
Back to the bags. So we're boarding and everyone has to find a place for their suitcase overhead. This is not a problem if you're in the first few groups. However as time goes on the line slows down as people having a more difficult time finding a place for their suitcase by their seat. And if you are in the last group like we were, the line was inching along by then. Not to mention I still had to put up with the ridiculous chatter of the ever so witty and interesting people around me that just happened to be in the same group or in the group in front of us. Oh the insanity.
So we finally get to our seat and once we got there, it was a quick process because our carry-ons fit underneath the seat in front of us. Did I forget to mention that the gate agents did a terrible job of enforcing the one carry-on and one personal item to go underneath the seat in front of you? This was on all of our flights on the way home which happened to be mostly full.
While we're sitting there waiting impatiently for the rest of the line to stash their bags and find their seats, the last guy seems to be wandering aimlessly around like a chicken with his head cut off. The flight attendant asks him to please find his seat and he says he doesn't know where it is. WHAT!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! were you born on this island and this is your first time venturing off of it???? Not buying it if that's what you're selling. So she helps him and somehow even though the seat number he said was not behind us, he ends up sitting right behind us. Right next to a fruity lady who actually had the nerve to make the comment to him "That's ok, we waited on them, now they can wait on us." YOU ARE THE TWO NUT-JOBS PREVENTING THE PILOT FROM LEAVING!!!!!
It took all the restraint I had to keep from turning around and strangling them while shouting, "YOU ARE MAKING THE REST OF US WAIT, WHO ALSO HAD TO WAIT ON THEM TWO, AND YOU ARE MAKING THE REST OF US WAIT TOO!!!!! NOW MOVE YOU UNTHOUGHTFULLY SLOW MORONS!!!" Or something along those lines.
Anyways I propose a new baggage policy. If you're hurting to make more money, charge people for the any carry-on they want to take on that won't fit underneath the seat in front of them, not the 2 checked bags. This will take care of the delays that are most likely happening as a result of charging for the checked bags. And take care of the space issues on board that are now arising from this. Also if you have a carry on policy such as one and one, enforce it. So many people had way more than one overhead suitcase and one personal item.
I actually have another solution but it's related to a completely different problem and will have to wait for another day or a high-paying job with one of the airlines. But it would revolutionize the airline industry and solve more than one problem.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So before going to the airport on our way home from vacation, we stopped at a book store to waste some time. So I found the book Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner which I thoroughly intend to read in its entirety one day since I'm a sucker for numbers, economics, and some things freaky.
I turned to a chapter that analyzed baby names and various things like economic status of their parents and education level of their parents. I'm sure there were more but we were about to leave and this was what I had time to look at. I apparently have a name that indicates I'm poor, dumb, white trash. Hmmm...Amber, Who knew? Let me guess Sunshine as a middle name isn't helping matters is it?
Actually, for the time period I was born I don't think it necessarily said it was a name from uneducated and poor parents but during the 90's it some how became very synonymous with uneducated and poor parents. So I wonder if that means when people look at my name on my resume I get judged unfairly because they think "with a name like that she can't possibly be smart and efficient, she couldn't have possibly have credible education or experience, we just won't waste our time meeting her to get the scoop."
Let's explore this further. The meaning of Amber. Did you see the first Jurassic Park? You know the good one. Here's what I learned amber is. Sap. There goes Amber that poor sap. Now let's explore Sunshine. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked if my parents were hippies after someone looked at my license, I could probably retire. Oh if only I could charge for the answer to that question. The answer is no, but that's what people thought when they saw Amber Sunshine on my license. "Her parents must be crazy hippies." They might me crazy but they certainly were about as far from being hippies as you could get. That said I am crazy. But my parents are super smart and by no means were we poor growing up. I'm guessing pretty average. We always had a house to live in, food to eat, clothes on our back. Both of my parents have educations beyond college. one a masters and one some kind of computer programing certification. They raised me with the expectation that I would go to college. And I did.
Maybe I'm just not living up to my name. My standards may be too high and I may need to lower my expectations of myself. *Insert sarcasm if you don't get that I'm sarcastic*
Anyways I'm pretty dang proud of my name and I wouldn't change it even if that meant the job of my dreams. Unless someone's making me an offer. After all, everything's negotiable.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I quickly learned that I could water it when it would start to turn yellow and it would green right back up and continue to grow. This plant has been thriving under my care for the last year and some months and has grown some nice long green leafy stems. It was a nice little plant when I got it and it grew into and nice big plant. I was very proud at the fact that I didn't kill it.
So I arrive back at work from vacation on Monday of this week and low and behold some stems have obviously been torn off at the dirt line. Some are completely gone but one of the decapitated stems was left behind. Who does that?!?!?! Psycho, Insane, Ass Munch!!! (I'm sorry that had to be said. I apologize if that offends anyone). Oh and one stem appears to have been torn off at the middle and the remaining leaves were removed. But there are still two perfectly nice stems left. I'm thinking this must be a joke but it really isn't funny. Lock me out of my computer and put my personal things in a box to make me think I'm fired. That would be funny. But cut up my plant, that's an invasion of my personal space. What else of mine are you helping yourself to???
So today I arrive and the last to perfectly good stems are ripped off. One left behind and one gone. Oh the naked half-stem is still there. I'm really expecting the last decapitated stem, which I put in water (I don't know why because as mentioned before I'm not one for plants and so transplanting it will not likely be done with my hands) and the the half stem to be gone tomorrow.
This is not the workings of a practical joker. This is the working of a psychotic imbecile who will rue the day I catch them. I put a note on the pot "Beware, camera now watching for psychos," I hope they read that and tremble with fear and bring me a new plant with a sincere apology.
I like to think of it as a metaphor for income redistribution. Ohhh Amber had too nice of a plant and someone else doesn't have one at all so I'm going to take it from her and give it to them because she's clearly capable of growing a new one. Well what about the hard work I put into growing that plant you nutjob? What about that?
Furious, Just Livid
Oh this happened to my coworker a month or more back. Hers was a single stem I believe and so it was cut down in stages. We suspected the boss and grilled him on it. He denies it but I think we know he did it. I asked him about my plant and he swears he didn't do it. To which I told him the police had already been there and dusted for prints so we'll know shortly if it was him. Then he said that was why he burned off his prints...DANGIT!!! I just thought of something, if there are no prints it's definitely him. I made it very clear to him that it's psychotic and NOT FUNNY...Well maybe it is now...but not to me... He has no motive to harm my plant so I believe him.
But still I wonder....Is there a serial plant killer on the loose???
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
So we just got back on our vacation. We went to Hawaii because we belong to the elite rich that write checks to the government every year after we get our return back because we simply don't pay enough taxes and wish they'd raise our taxes and take more of our money so we wouldn't feel so guilty about being so rich. *insert sarcasm on more than one front*
Anyways since we don't have children of our own we are learning many lessons should we decide to have kids. The lesson we learned this trip was don't take your baby on a 5 or 8 hour plane trip. Because your screaming baby that apparently wasn't given enough Benedryl will irritate the other passengers around you no matter how cute he or she is. And you know what else will irritate them? You prancing up and down the isles with you baby as if to show the whole plane "look how darn cute my kid is, and oh, look how skinny I am after having a baby!!!" WE DON'T CARE. All we care about is that you have now blocked our line of vision for the terrible, yet time-consuming movie that is showing for our entertainment. MOVE!!!!!
I understand that sometimes babies need to fly places and I can tolerate them on short flights. And I sympathize with the parents that clearly dread the fact that they needed to get somewhere faster than a car will allow them to go. But these are flights that last no more than 2 hours. I've decided that the hours you brave taking your kid on a flight should correlate with his/her age. If it's less than 5 years old, don't take it to Hawaii by way of Los Angeles.
I seriously question the benefit of taking a child on a trip that they will not have any warm fuzzy memories of. Take it camping, take it to grandma and grandpa's house, unless they live in Hawaii. Then let Grandma and Grandpa come and visit for the first few years of it's life. I'm not kidding. Unless you are willing to give them an OD of Benedryl or something else you've discovered that knocks them out for at least 5 hours.
Oh but you see, our flight over was 8 hours because we went through Dallas. That is the plane that had at least 7-8 babies all under the age of 2 on it. REALLY? Your kid can't wait a couple of years to visit Hawaii? I don't care if you're doing it because you can. Congratulations!! That's not the point. The reason those of us without kids take vacations after school is in, is to avoid kids. Not because we don't like them. But because we can't stand the ones that are allowed to be bratty. We forgot about the babies that probably find a plane ride torturous to begin with and their parents who insist on taking them to Hawaii.
OH well...we've decided to have quintuplets and take them all to Australia by ourselves when they are oh 6 months to a year old. I just need to make sure all those parents on our flights there and back are also on that plane so they can get a taste.
Before you jump down my throat about how insensitive and horrible I am, please refer to the paragraph in green above.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
What Happened to Dignity?
Econ 101 - Taxes
Why I Love The Office; And Why You Should Too!!
What's Wrong With Our Education System?
Mandatory Birth Control...What A Concept!!
Lola's Corner - Why Dogs Eat June Bugs, Poo, and Other Disgusting Things
What Would You Do If You Were President?
Pimps and Unions; Aren't They Really The Same?
I'm an ENTP - What Are You?
Fairytale Weddings...Time For a Reality Check Ladies
I Was Right and the Lawyer was WRONG!!!
Since When Did Criminals Become Victims?
One Naive Dad
Movies That Made Me Cry - Or Still Do
For those of you that don't want to click on one of the above links, check this one out.
The Fair Tax, It's Really That important...
I will on a fairly regular basis, reprint my write up on the Fair Tax. Or at least the meat of it. This is because I believe that it's so important that we all become aware just how badly our current tax system is screwing us over, and just how win-win the Fair Tax is as a solution to the problem. Please feel free to ask me any questions you might have on it either in the comments or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Unless you have my regular email address. Then you can send questions there. This is something that I hope people will run across from time to time and become interested in.
I know that you all are smart enough to know that the government takes income taxes out of your check each time you get paid; taxes for income, Medicare, and social security. This is taken out for your convenience so you hopefully won’t have to write a check to the government at tax time. But it’s really a dirty trick to make you look forward to getting a refund and to forget about how much you actually pay in taxes every year. Most people of my generation already have accepted the fact that we won’t see a penny of our social security when retirement comes around. Either that or they’ll raise the “retirement age” to 90 before you can collect your social security. The problem is when the issue of privatizing social security comes up, we the people freak out in outrage because apparently letting the government control your money is much less risky than letting you decide who to help you invest it.
My intent with this is to simplify the Fair Tax enough to spark your interest to learn more about it. Basically speaking, it is a national sales tax that replaces the current income tax system that is such a drain on us today. The Fair Tax will do several things to stimulate your own personal economic situation as well as the macro U.S. economic situation.
Here’s what it will do for you and your family.
-You will keep 100% of your paycheck (I don’t know about you, but I can spend my money better than the government does)
-Medicare and Social Security stay in tact and your interest is still funded
-You will get a prebate (a check) every month based on the # of people in your house to cover the fair tax amount on basic needs regardless of income
-The cost of goods and services you use now will should stay about the same after the fair tax is calculated, if not go down
-You pay taxes only when you choose to consume
-Eliminate the tax deadline and the costs associated with filing the taxes that you already pay-Eliminates inheritance taxes, gift taxes, capital gains taxes, and all other ridiculous methods the government uses to rob you and your family on a daily basis
-Increases your ability to save tax free
Here’s what it will do for the U.S. Economy.
-Bring jobs that were sent overseas back to the U.S.
-Encourage global companies to set up shop in the U.S. providing more jobs to Americans
-Corporations will not have to pay income taxes either, thereby driving down the cost of goods and services since we know that corporations don't pay taxes, people do
-Collects taxes from tourists, illegals, and non-income earners every time they consume
-Takes the power from the federal government and puts it in the hands of the people
I can’t go into every detail here but I’m going to explain one very important thing as many people don’t understand this. Since you pay income taxes and the company you work for pays income taxes and other taxes just to have you as an employee, these costs are worked into the final price of the goods or services they offer. Their job is to make money not break even. (Even non-profits are not completely in the business of breaking even, because where would executives get their big fat bonuses?) So any increased cost a company faces, including tax increases on them, is passed on to you the consumer already. Corporations can't pay taxes because they are merely an infrastructure by which to collect and pass on taxes to the federal government, such as when you are paid every month. If those taxes go away, the cost of goods and services drop. The reason your goods and services will stay about the same is because these imbedded taxes will be removed and implemented in the form of the fair tax. But remember you’re now taking home 100% of your paycheck and keeping it, rather than 80%-90% or less of it. And you are receiving a check from the government every month to cover the taxes for the basic needs of your family.
One other important piece of information for you to ponder that should spark your interest. The fair tax is only collected once on brand new items. If you buy a used car or a used house, it isn’t collected, because all of those taxes were already collected the first time around.Here’s what you need to do about it. Read the book. I paid $5 for it at Barnes and Noble on the clearance rack. I’m sure you can find a copy of it for cheap. I’ll even loan out my copy. Your other option is to go the website http://www.fairtax.org/site/PageServer and educate yourself. You can see if your representatives support it or not, and if they are a co-sponsor of one of the bills, which is HR 25 for the house of representative and S 1025 for the senate. Once you are educated, start talking with your family and friends about it to spread the word. Write your representatives too.Don’t think of this as a right wing or left wing piece of legislation. Think of it as beneficial to everyone. Win-win for everyone. The nanny programs are kept that are generally seen as a good for a lot of people, but without burdening those that despise the abuse of the nanny programs. I can choose not to buy a new car if I don’t want to support it. Who knows, it may even stimulate those abusers of the nanny programs, to become productive members of society rather than the drain that they current are. I certainly can dream if I want to.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Take a job for example. I don't subscribe to the notion that you should love everything about your job, and should want to go everyday and look forward to Mondays etc. This is because I work to take personal responsibility in my life, to pay my bills, contribute to my family, and help pay for some of the fun things we like to do. However I don't subscribe to the notion that you have to put up with a job that's unfulfilling of your needs and desires in a job. For example, if you work in a high stress, tons of overtime environment that leaves you no time to relax and enjoy your family and life, you don't have to stay in that job. There are other jobs out there that will be respectful of your personal time. On the other end of the spectrum is the job that is unchallenging, offers no growth, and might possibly overpay you for all the boredom you experience in it, even though you know you are worth much more than that particular job pays you and are capable of doing more.
It's not easy to find that perfect job with the happy medium of challenging and decent-paying as well as respectful of your personal time. However if we find ourselves not in this job and unsatisfied with our current situation, why is it so difficult to explore other options? And even when you do, the thought of going to a new place where they don't know you or what you are capable of is scary. What if you screw up in the first week, month, or year for that matter? What if you asking a question is perceived as weakness?
How are they going to respond to these situations? Is there a learning curve?
No matter how much you may try to make sure the company culture is a fit for you in the interview process, you never know for sure until you make the transition and find out for yourself.
Sometimes the change isn't just about changing jobs, but about changes that occur within your company. I once worked for a company going through a computer system change. I was even younger than I am now and am still not intimidated by computers or new systems. Also my job function at the time included working with a computer. Some people were going to be asked to change from paperwork to computers. And some of them were terrified, irritated, and resistant to this change, even though it should improve efficiency for their job function and ideally save them time by eliminating all the paperwork they normally did. But they were so used to doing it a certain way for so long that the thought of changing was scary.
In any case, change is inevitable and we should all embrace it and chase it aggressively. Unless you are about to retire in a year or two. Then it's up to you and the change that's being asked of you. I'd say do whatever you have to to keep your job though if you're about to retire. We still have choices to accept that new job, or look for another one, or keep the job we're in. Just like we have the choice to go with the changes at work, or look for a new job. Either way, it's a much more enjoyable existence to choose a positive attitude even in the mist of misery and keep perspective of our situation and the good things it allows us.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Whether or not you agree with their politics or who they support, if you watched their speeches last night at the Republican National Convention, these guys had the best one liners last night. And don't comment that "the actual number was this that or the other" because who cares if they weren't accurate on the number or this or that. The point was to make a joke and they made really funny ha ha jokes. They were just having fun. If you didn't see them, I'm sure you can find highlights somewhere on youtube or elsewhere. Check them out.
I've decided they should form a new comedy team ala Laural and Hardy or Abbott and Costello and travel the country making us laugh.
That's it. You can agree or disagree that they were funny. It won't change my mind.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I let her win this round because, well I wanted her to keep playing and I didn't know if she'd get mad and go away if I was always winning. Plus I was a little annoying probably, as I kept draping my arm around her shoulder and hanging on her. Thanks for playing with me aunt Lucky. I hope to see you again real soon!!!
Meet Molly. She's the latest foster sister to Buster and Aspen. She's kind of nervous and timid and not everyone knows how to love her. But she's in a very loving home until a good family that can commit to her and her "issues." But she's is very sweet and lovable so I'm sure a great family will come along.
You can send me pictures of your furry critters sans humans to email@example.com
I look forward to hearing from you soon. Until next time, spay and neuter your cats and dogs.
too many names to share