Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What's In A Name?

This is inspired by the name of a man I recently heard who's name was Winter. Parents, please don't name your sons after a season of the year. This should be reserved for girls names only. Wanna know why? Your sons won't be taken seriously and the only job they will get is either in a band or waiting tables. Both of which can earn a livable wage if they turn out to good at either one of them. But what if they want a office job sitting at a desk all day? Or what if they want a blue collar job building houses or working on cars. Unless they go into business for themselves, they aren't likely to be taken seriously enough to even get those jobs because they'll be perceived as girly and it will be your fault, not theirs. Remember this next time you decide to have a child and be all "hippyish" when naming them.

So I was inspired to going on the social security administration's website to look at the most popular names for 2007. This is because 2008 isn't finished yet. The longest list you can get is for the 1000 most popular names. So I'm going to run through some of the names that popped out and me as bad for naming your kid and why.

The next problem I have for boys names after seasons of the year is the "creative spelling" of a popular name in an effort to make your son "unique." Take for example the name Jackson. It's a good strong name for a boy to grow into a man. But how's he supposed to do that if you spell it Jaxon or Jaxson? That's probably not the worst example but you get where I'm going. Jackson is the 33rd most popular boys' name. If the other two in the list had just spelled it right, it would only move it up a few spots. Or let me guess you plan on calling him Jax right? Because what's more soap opera than Jax? I'm sure we'll get to some. Perhaps a better example with the creative spelling is with the name Cameron. I really like this name for a boy or a girl. But leave the K's and the Y's and the I's and what ever other unique way to spell it to the girls. Because in the future if someone sees the name Kamryn, Kamren, Kameryn, or Cameryn on a resume, they are going to be expecting a girl to show up to the interview and when they seek a guy, it's going to screw with their head, and it will be difficult for them to see what value they bring to the table because they will be stuck wondering whether or not this is a "girly-man" who will cry if their feelings get hurt. So there's my peace on the creative spellings. When it comes to your sons, Just Say No!!!

Name them after your sports heroes.
Colt and Jamarcus come to mind since they both popped up on the 2007 list. Colt being the quarter back for Texas Longhorns and Jamarcus the recently went pro quarter back for the LSU Tigers who went 1st in the draft when he went pro. This is sensitive ground because everyone is going to think you named your kid after them even if you deny it until your blue in the face, especially if you happen to be a fan of the team. What happens if they fail you in some big way such as being a huge failure, or breaking the law in a big way and becoming a huge disappointment to you. Well now your son is stuck with this name you gave them that you associate with a fallen hero. How's he supposed to live with that pressure?

Cale or Kale or Sage - Why would you name your son after a vegetable or spice?
Kane or Cane - Do you want him to be called Candy Cane for the rest of his life?
Kolby or Colby - It's cheese. Proceed at your own risk.
Elvis - Really? Shouldn't that name be retired like sports teams retire numbers?
King - What are you Michael Jackson? Why didn't you just name him blanket?
Finnegan or Finley - Not unless you plan on bringing them up with a British accent.
Krish - What kind of a name is this?
Lyric - How is your son not going to turn out girly with a name like Lyric?
Addison - Has this not been established as a girl's name?
Atticus - I know I'm probably in the minority here but this isn't Ancient Rome!!
Seamus - It was on the list I swear. Do I really have to say anything about it?
Maxim - What? your plan is to have a lot of hot naked girls on your son? Why not just name him Playboy?
Stone or Slade - Just because you give your son a soap opera name, doesn't guarantee him a soap opera job in the future. They have to have good genes too.

I'm sure there were more on the list that I could have jumped on like the many many many different ways to spell Jayden. And I'm sure there are some better names that aren't on the 1000 most popular names list. Thankfully so. And while I love creativity, I think there is less creative license when it comes to naming your son then when it comes to naming your daughter. Although I'm sure I will go over that list one of these days and scrutinize it as well. I just think you ought to think about the potential abuse your kid could face as a result of the name you intend to give them. Think this stuff through before putting it in writing. Feel free to ask perfect strangers about it to get objective feed back. But let me advise you to take a random sampling and don't just stop after getting one or two answers you like. And make sure to ask a man how he'd feel about having that name.

Give your son a chance to grow into a man. Don't stunt him by giving him a weak or girly name.


Jason said...

Glad I read your blog; You have inspired me to name my kid Playboy!!

Amber Sunshine said...

Awesome!! I hope he lives up to his name!! Maybe Hef will leave everything to him.

Christiane said...

You make me laugh! I love your analysis of names.