Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hated by a Rat

There's a rat at work that's out to get me. Either the rat's a human or the rat's actually a rat. We have a rat problem so that's highly possible. I've seen them and heard the screaming women down the hall that they have terrorized. So the hate against me started with an ivy plant. If you didn't read about this in my prior post, feel free to do so.

I'm upset at the finality of my plant. I had to throw out what was left because after there was nothing left but dirt and roots, I came in a couple of different mornings and there was dirt spread out on my desk around the plant. So I figure some human hates me enough to dig at my plant, which is very vengeful, or some rat hates me enough to dig at my plant. Perhaps in search of water or food or whatever. Either way it's hateful.

So I had one plant left on my desk. A poinsettia. Yesterday I came in and rather than full stems being torn off, there were several leaves that looked like they had bites taken out of them. I don't know any humans snacking on poinsettias, but I do work for the government, so you just never know. Aren't poinsettias poisonous? Well if a rat ate it I might have successfully got one!!! Which you'd think they'd be dropping like flies since there are poinsettias all over the place since someone gave them out last year for Christmas.

This morning I came in and there was a chewed up piece of gum discarded on my floor. It looked like extra spearmint. It was that bright greenish yellowish color. It was no where near my trash can. So either someone decided it would be a great idea to spit out their gum on my floor or the rat got into a piece of gum somewhere and is now chewing it, and had no good way of getting to the trashcan level to properly dispose of it.

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU RAT???? What can I do to make amends? Or kill you. Whichever you prefer. Just leave me alone!!! Stay away from my desk!! NO RATS ALLOWED!!! Take your gum at get out of the building. I'll buy you some gum if you'll just leave. But beware, I will lace it with rat poison for your chewing pleasure.


Roxiticus Desperate Housewives said...


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P.S. -- I voted for you in the 2008 election, but alas! that other guy won. Better luck in 2012.

Traci said...

This is soooo bizarre! Do you guys have a mentally ill night janitor? It's time for a nanny cam.